Mate I lost my family last year too. You will have to constantly feel this and don’t blame yourself it is okay. You’re in the right place and as someone who has experienced a lot of baggage breathing helped me especially after sobering up. I’m sending love your way and when you feel whole again I am happy to buy some size 12 Keds off of you.It's been a crappy couple of years for a lot of folks. All you can do is hope for better days.