Jan asks about the slapstick remark. Have you seen a nicely dressed woman end up in the mud when she didn’t want to? How did it happen and how angry did she get?
Just a Quick Walk
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Lily is still giggling when Jan leans forward, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Okay, but seriously, what's with that slapstick reference?" she asked. "Have you ever seen a nicely dressed woman end up in the mud when she didn’t want to? I feel like this can’t just be me who’s seen it. Like, how did it happen? They must’ve been furious."
Lily freezes mid-sip, and her entire expression changes—like she’s been hit with a sudden memory that she had tried to forget. A soft groan escapes her before she puts her coffee down and leans in.
“Oh. Oh God,” she sighs, grimacing. “Where do I even start? Yes, I’ve seen it—and honestly, it still haunts me.”
"What?! Someone I know?" Jan asks, now fully invested.
“Not exactly,” Lily replies, then shakes her head, eyes wide. "You’re going to love this, though. So, I was at my cousin's wedding last spring."
"Okay, weddings are already promising. I’m in. What happened?"
Lily half-grins at Jan's enthusiasm but looks slightly pained. "Well, it was an outdoor wedding on a huge estate," she says, rolling her eyes and waving her hand in the air as if she still can’t believe it. "You know. The kind of place where everyone arrives in seriously designer clothes. Garden-party vibes, people in dresses that probably cost more than my rent. I was there playing it safe in a simple sundress and flats, nothing too extreme. But my aunt—my dear Aunt Cecily—well, she showed up in this ridiculous outfit."
"What do you mean ‘ridiculous’?" Jan asks, already intrigued by the thought of a spectacle.
“Oh, Cecily’s got a reputation," Lily replies. "Picture it: navy blue silk dress, teetering Louboutin heels, one of those large, wide-brimmed hats straight out of My Fair Lady. She looked like she was about to step onto the set of Downton Abbey and not into a grassy backyard garden wedding."
Jan laughs. "Yikes, overdressed much?"
“Exactly,” Lily says, growing animated. "But she's incredibly confident. Always. Strutting around, showing off her heels and diamonds like she had a front-row seat at a Paris fashion show. Anyway, right before the ceremony, she decided to follow everyone else into this side garden to see a beautiful photo spot. Unfortunately for her, the ground in that area had gotten soaked the night before because of some unexpected rain."
Jan’s eyes go wide. “Oh no…”
“Oh yes,” Lily says, with a dramatic nod. “I was watching from a little distance away, but I could see it about to happen. Everyone’s carefully walking over the wet grass in flats and wedges, but not Cecily. Oh no. She spared no mind to her surroundings. She steps right onto this patch of grass like she owns the place, all confident, shoulders back, heels clicking.”
Jan holds her breath, giggling while trying to anticipate the moment.
“So, the second she starts walking,” Lily says, eyes gleaming with the memory, “her six-inch Louboutins sink right into the wet ground—like, deep. You can’t even see the points of the heels anymore!”
Jan gasps, then bursts out laughing. “She what?”
Lily grins and continues, “Her foot gets stuck, and of course, she yanks it out with all her might, but—” she pauses for dramatic effect, “—when she pulls, it’s not just her heel that comes out. She totally loses her balance—like, arms flailing, tipping backward, slow-motion disaster c-l-a-s-s-i-c.”
"Oh noooo, stop!" Jan is already shaking with laughter, holding her sides.
Lily raises a finger in mock caution. "And when I say she fell, I mean... she collapsed. Right into this giant, muddy puddle that no one else had even noticed! Cecily was flailing, Jan. Her hat flies off—her beautiful silk dress? Completely ruined. Her shoes, both of them gone, just swallowed by that mess.”
Jan’s losing it, nearly wheezing. “Tell me she wasn’t… oh my God, how did she react?”
Lily winces, shaking her head. “She was livid. First, she just sat there, completely stunned, like she couldn’t believe what had just— I swear, she looked around like she was about to declare that mud shouldn’t even exist there. Then she realizes everyone’s staring at her—like, it was a scene. And you know what she says?”
“What, what did she say?!” Jan asks, practically in tears from laughter.
“‘This is just unacceptable!’” Lily mimics with exaggerated outrage, lifting her nose in the air, breaking into laughter again. “As if the universe owed her some explanation for why mud had dared to make an appearance at her perfect little outing!"
Jan gasps for breath, her stomach aching from laughter. “I can actually see that happening. Dear Aunt Cecily, betrayed by her own hubris and a puddle.”
“Oh, she was furious,” Lily continues, wiping a tear from her eye. “She stormed off—well, tried to storm off—because remember, she’s basically covered in mud from the waist down. She had to be helped back to the house by two people, and she kept insisting someone needed to bring her ‘proper walking shoes’—as if someone was just carrying around backup Louboutins for emergency falls!”
By now, Jan is nearly slumped over the table, face flushed from laughing. “Oh God, that’s too good. I’m guessing she didn’t stay for the reception?”
“You guessed right,” Lily replies, grinning broadly now. “She left immediately. She would’ve had to socialize with a bunch of people while looking like she’d just crawled out of a swamp. It was all too much for her dignity.”
Jan sighs, shaking her head in glee. “So it’s true—there’s nothing like the cosmic justice of seeing someone who’s just so confident in their perfection take a spectacular tumble.”
Lily smirks. “Yep, and to answer your original question—yes, I’ve seen a nicely dressed woman go absolutely headlong into disaster. I think Cecily was mad at the mud for days. Poor Anne,” she adds with another laugh, “but at least, unlike Cecily, she was able to laugh it off! Eventually.”
“May we all have the zen of Anne, post-mud bath,” Jan adds, raising her coffee cup in a faux toast, as the two dissolve into laughter once more.
Jan asked Lily what she would have been thinking as Anne attempted the walk in the woods and navigating around the mud. What would be going through Lily’s mind as she watched everything unfold.
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Jan's eyes were still gleaming with laughter as she leaned back in her chair, catching her breath. "Honestly, Lily, I wish you were there. You would’ve died. Anne was so confident, and then she—well, you know. But seriously, I gotta ask… if you had been there, watching her navigate the woods like that, especially the mud, what would’ve been going through your mind? Like, what would the running commentary be in your head?"
Lily, wiping away the last remnants of laughter-induced tears, took a moment to gather herself, offering a knowing smirk at Jan’s question. “Oh my God,” she said, pausing with a sly grin, “you mean if I had been there watching Anne—Miss ‘I don't invite dirt into my life’—try to tiptoe her way across a muddy trail in box-fresh Sperrys? Yeah, I’ve got a pretty vivid idea of what would’ve been running through my mind.”
Jan leaned in closer, intrigued. “Oh, this is going to be good.”
Lily chuckled, shaking her head slowly. “First of all, the second I saw Anne walking into the woods with her spotless nautical outfit, I would’ve been like, ‘There’s no way this ends without disaster.’ I know Anne. She’s so thoroughly Anne. Like, of all the people in the world, she’s the one who will walk into Mother Nature looking like she’s about to host some private yacht club brunch.”
Jan giggled at the image. “True. She did have a yacht club vibe going.”
“She always does,” Lily agreed, still grinning. “So yeah, I probably would’ve just been watching her and thinking she’s got zero real clue what she’s in for. When Anne’s all confident about skirting nature—it’s like watching a deer prance onto the highway. You can’t look away because you know something’s going to happen. It’s just a matter of time.”
Jan nudged her playfully. “You sound like you knew she’d wipe out before it even started.”
Lily laughed. “Oh, absolutely. The second she’d walk up to that mud patch, all pristine and radiant, it would be like slow-motion in my brain. I would’ve read her movements—her little head tilt, sizing it up, probably planning the dainty path she'd take— and, I’d be thinking: ‘Oh, hon, you’re about to be humbled by the universe.’"
Jan laughed so hard she almost snorted, trying to picture Anne’s confident expression as she balanced on the stepping stones. “Okay, but that moment when she started actually picking her way across the stones, like she was pulling it off? What would you have thought then?”
Lily grinned wider, already imagining the scene. “Oh, at that point, I would’ve been lowkey impressed, while internally screaming, ‘No, nooo, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go! We’re heading for a fall, and I didn’t come all the way out here to see her succeed! Where’s my Anne-takes-a-tumble moment?’”
Jan nodded through her laughter. “But she did seem so graceful, didn’t she? Like, it was just believable enough, even for me, that she might actually make it.”
“Exactly. I would've been... fascinated,” Lily said, leaning in, her voice low as though she were narrating a suspenseful thriller. “Watching her tiptoeing on those stones, perfectly balancing her spotless Sperrys juuuust above the mud, and I’d be thinking, ‘Oh God, she's really doing it. This is happening. She’s gonna make it. Anne, the preppy Amazon queen, is going to escape the mud without a scratch.’” She clapped her hands dramatically, eyes wide, as if emphasizing the tension of that precise moment.
Jan was already shaking with laughter. “That’s where you’d think the story ends, right? With her doing this incredible balance-act in nature like some sort of preppy goddess?”
“Right?” Lily continued, eyes gleaming with amusement. “And it’s like, just when I’d have started to believe, just maybe she was going to make it, then—oh hoh, then the slip would come. And I would lose it. I mean, did you see the look on her face right in that moment?”
Jan gasped mid-laugh, clapping a hand to her mouth. “Oh, her expression was priceless. She was so shocked.”
“I would die of secondhand embarrassment,” Lily said, breaking into giggles again. “Watching her pretty new Sperrys just sink into the mud—I’d have thought, ‘There it is. Gravity remembered it has work to do.’ Her wide eyes, like she couldn’t believe a whole part of the planet just reached up and betrayed her. I’d probably be muttering to myself, ‘RIP Sperrys.’”
Jan was practically in tears again. “It was so perfect. First step back. Squelch. And then the arms. Oh. My. God. The flailing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone fight a fall as intensely as she did.”
Lily shook her head, still laughing. “I’m telling you, right then, I’d be standing there thinking, ‘She’s not going to win this battle. No way.’ While plotting the exact moment when I’d have to stop laughing long enough to help her out. You just feel it in the air—the inevitable plunge.”
“And that plunge,” Jan began, wiping away a tear. “It wasn’t just any fall. Oh no. It was a full flop backward, arms outstretched, a beautiful disaster.”
Lily snorted with laughter. “I would’ve been completely silent for the briefest moment, just processing the sheer spectacle of the fall. And then, oh my God, I would’ve died laughing. Just died. It’s one of those things where you try to keep it together because you know she’s mortified, but like… at the same time?”
Jan grinned, nodding. “You can’t not laugh. It’s a force of nature beyond your control.”
“Exactly!" Lily agreed. “I’d honestly be half-proud of her that she managed so well for so long. I mean, she almost made it! But that fall? That look of horrified realization when she finally hit the mud? Oh man, I’d have pictures of that expression burned into my brain for years.”
“And after she just sat there? In the mud, still trying to process how her perfect outfit went from runway-ready to ruined swamp creature?” Jan mimicked Anne's stunned, frozen pose.
“Oh, at that point, I’d be thinking, ‘I cannot believe this woman was sailing through two seconds ago like a model on a balance beam, and here we are.’” Lily laughed, throwing her arms up in mock surrender.
Jan laughed harder, clutching her sides. “And you know Anne, she’d be doing this mix of soul-crushing disappointment and trying to act like, ‘Oh, no big deal. Totally normal. I’ll just sit here in the mud now.’”
“That’s the part that kills me,” Lily giggled. “The way she’d try so hard to salvage her dignity while covered in mud. But let’s be real: the second she was submerged in the mess, it was game over."
Jan wiped her eyes, still chuckling. “Lily, I swear, if you had been there, we would’ve both lost it. Anne would never let us live it down.”
“Oh, 100%. And even if she never brings it up again, we know it happened. That image will live in our minds forever,” Lily replied, raising her coffee cup for another mock toast. “To the great fall of Anne.”
“May she always avoid future mud baths,” Jan added, clinking her cup with Lily’s as the two dissolved once again into uncontrollable laughter.
Can you describe the contrast between her putting on her crisp white Sperry’s for the very first time that morning to when she was trying to unlace them covered in mud with cold water sloshing around in them?
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Jan could barely contain her laughter as she leaned forward, recounting the contrast between Anne's pristine morning and her mud-soaked reality later that day. “Oh my God, Lily, you should’ve seen her before,” Jan began, shaking her head in amusement. “That moment when she first put on those Sperrys? You know how Anne is—everything about her has to be just so. It was like a ceremonial event, watching her lace them up for the first time.”
Lily smirked. “Oh, I can just imagine. Fresh off the box, smelling of new leather.”
Jan nodded enthusiastically, holding back a giggle. “Exactly! That morning, she was so proud, Lily. She’d just pulled them out of the box, and I swear she treated them like holy relics. Laced them up perfectly—those crisp, white canvas Sperrys that looked like they had never seen a single drop of water, not to mention a speck of dirt. She adjusted them, you know? That meticulous way she does, making sure each lace—the crispest, cleanest laces ever—was perfectly aligned, little bows pristine, neat.”
Lily chuckled. “Yup, sounds like Anne to me. She probably checked them in the mirror, too.”
Jan snorted. “Oh, you bet she did. She stood up, twisted her foot to the side to admire the shine, like, ‘Yup, these beauties are ready for the day.’ She was literally glowing—so sure of herself. She even said something like, ‘Ugh, I just love when they’re this white,’ and honestly? I should’ve seen the foreshadowing right there.”
Lily’s smile grew wider, clearly enjoying the setup for what was to come. “So fresh. So pure. And then…?”
Jan exhaled dramatically. “And then the complete opposite a few hours later. Jump to us back at her house after the walk. It looked like someone had dumped an entire swamp on her shoes. She’s sitting there, cold and covered in mud, trying to unlace these now-completely-submerged things, and let me tell you—it was pitiful.”
Lily burst into laughter, picturing the scene. “What, like she was sitting there with mud water sloshing inside her Sperrys?”
“Oh, there was so much water,” Jan said, her voice almost breaking from holding back laughter. “Slosh, slosh, every time she moved. This gooey, cold, disgusting mix of mud and water just sloshing inside! Where the pristine white canvas used to be, there were these almost brown-black clumps stuck to the fabric. The worst part? Watching her [try] to undo the laces. These perfect, crisp laces that had literally been like something out of a catalog that morning were caked with mud chunks, all knotted and soaked.”
Lily was doubled over now, her hands covering her face as she laughed. “Oh my God, I can see it! And I bet she was trying to be polite about it, like ‘Oh it’s... it’s not that bad, right?’”
Jan giggled, nodding. “She wouldn’t admit defeat! But you could see it in her eyes—this mixture of horror and resignation, like she couldn’t believe that her Sperrys had ended up like this. She was trying so hard to unlace them with her fingers, but they were so slippery and dirty. Every time she pulled on a lace, more cold mudwater would squish out onto her fingers.”
Lily gasped between laughs. "Her immaculate white Sperrys reduced to soggy sponges."
Jan practically wheezed, nodding. "Exactly! They were soaked. Even the insides were filled with water. She slipped one off, and you could hear it—this awful ‘schloop’ sound as the water suctioned out. And there she was, trying to pour muddy water out of each shoe, but it was like the floodgates of hell had opened inside them.”
Lily leaned back, wiping tears from her eyes. “Oh, poor Anne. Down to drenched shoes and muddy socks. Let me guess, she was trying to maintain her dignity the whole time?”
Jan nodded, grinning broadly. “Of course! The whole time, she kept muttering something about how she knew she should’ve worn something else. And she’d look down and shake her head in disbelief, like ‘How did it come to this? How did I get here?’”
Lily shook her head, still chuckling. “That’s rich—the contrast between her earlier morning shoe ceremony and that moment, untying mud-caked Sperrys full of cold swamp water… that’s just priceless.”
Jan raised her coffee cup mockingly. “To Anne, the queen of fresh whites. And to the totally unpreventable forces of nature!”
Lily joined in on the toast, holding back another round of giggles. “And to the lesson learned—that there’s no such thing as mud-proof Sperrys.”
The two clinked their cups together, still laughing, as they reflected on the hilarious contrast between the start of Anne's day—filled with confident, pristine glory—and the humiliating, messy end that nature delivered.
This had me thinking Jan said. Do you remember that total snob back in college that wiped out in the mud in her sundress and new Keds? How did that happen (trying to remember).
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Lily’s eyes lit up as Jan's words sparked a flash of recognition. She squinted, as if trying to pull the memory from the back of her mind, and then suddenly burst into laughter. “Oh my God, Jan!” she exclaimed, covering her mouth. “I totally remember her! What was her name again? Emily? Emma? No—Evangeline! The one who always acted like she was too good for everyone?”
Jan’s face erupted in a grin as she snapped her fingers. “Yes! Evangeline! The girl who thought she was literally the queen of the quad.”
Lily nodded, still laughing at the thought of it. “She always had that air about her. You’d think she was attending some Ivy League gala every time she showed up to class, with her perfectly coiffed hair, designer handbags, and those pretentious little sundresses. Do you remember how she'd look at people? Like she couldn't believe they were wearing, I dunno, normal clothes like jeans or sneakers?”
Jan shook her head, almost in disbelief as the memories came rushing back. “And don’t forget the Keds. Oh, the Keds! She’d always talk about how she got them fresh from some exclusive sale, like they were these rare, special edition shoes, as if literally everyone didn’t already own a pair.”
Lily snickered. “That’s right. She made sure to point it out every time someone complimented them. ‘Oh, these? Yeah, they’re from this limited release; you probably haven’t heard of it.’ Like they were some elusive treasure only she could get her hands on in the middle of campus life.”
Jan clapped her hands together, laughing. “And then the best thing happens! It was that day after it poured, remember? The sky just opened up, and everything was drenched. The ground was a total swamp.”
Lily nodded eagerly, leaning in. “Oh yes, I remember! The campus grounds were a mess, and it was so obvious that if you weren’t wearing rain boots, you were asking for trouble. Everyone was walking carefully, trying not to wipe out in the mud or step in puddles.”
“But not Evangeline,” Jan said, her eyes wide with the glee of the re-telling. “Of course not. She comes strutting through in one of her pastel sundresses—like, we’re talking full clueless debutante vibes—and a brand-new pair of bright white Keds. And when I say new, I mean they were so new they practically had a glow.”
Lily snorted. “Like she had literally pulled them straight out of the box that morning.”
“Exactly," Jan continued. "So there she is, completely unfazed, her nose in the air like the mud isn’t her problem, walking through the center of campus. Meanwhile people are walking around the puddles, being careful where they step, but not her. Oh no, she was like, ‘None of this applies to me.’”
“And it was going fine for, like, two whole minutes,” Lily interjected, shaking her head. “She was exactly two minutes away from pulling it off!”
"But then," Jan grinned, drawing out the suspense, “she hit the corner of the quad.”
“Oh!” Lily gasped excitedly, her hands in the air. “Wait, wait—wasn’t that the part where they had just put down fresh mulch, so the ground underneath was extra soft and muddy? Like the kind that wants to trap you?”
"YUP," Jan practically shouted, laughing again. "It was like a trap waiting for her. She steps over this patch of mulch at the edge of the pathway and—oh, you could see it coming—the heel of her pristine Keds just sinks right into it."
Lily was clutching her sides now. “Oh no! And she didn't even know, did she?”
Jan mimicked the exaggerated, horrified look on Evangeline's face. “She had no idea! She took another step like she was still on solid ground, all confident, and then—SLURP—her other shoe gets stuck. Suddenly, she was pulled back like some invisible hand had grabbed her. And she tried to save it, Lily, you should've seen the arms flail.”
Lily was in tears. “Oh God, no—don’t tell me…”
Jan nodded, practically howling with laughter. “Yup. She’s flailing, trying to regain her balance, and it’s like this slow-motion disaster unfolding. Finally, she tries to yank one leg free, and in doing so, her foot just—WHOOP—slides right out from under her.”
Lily gasped for air, laughing so hard she could barely speak. “And then—BOOM!—she goes down, right?”
“Down,” Jan confirms, smacking the table. “Flat on her back, right into the mud, sundress and all! The back of her dress just splattered with wet mulch and mud streaks, her arms up in the air, and her face—oh my God, her face. It was the kind of look that said she’d just witnessed the end of the world. She couldn’t process it. Couldn’t believe the universe had dared disrespect her and her brand-new Keds.”
Lily shook her head, wiping tears of laughter from her cheeks. “That image is going to fuel me for the rest of my life. The queen of campus, flat on her back, covered in mud.”
Jan could barely breathe, still giggling. “And here’s the best part—she tried to get up, but it was all so slippery, so she kept sliding back down! Her hands and knees were covered in mud as she kept trying to pull herself together. Those Keds? Forget it. They weren’t even white anymore. She finally got up, but she just stood there, too shocked to move. Everyone was staring.”
“And she didn’t even have the sense to laugh it off, did she?” Lily asked, grinning.
Jan snorted. “Oh, not a chance. She was furious. She stormed off—well, as best as she could without slipping again—the whole time trying to act like she hadn’t just wiped out in front of half the student body. But every step she took, you could hear the squelching, and you just knew she was done for that day.”
Lily sighed, taking a long sip of her now-cold coffee. “God, that was a legendary moment. Evangeline being dethroned by basic physics and a mud puddle. I can't believe I almost forgot that.”
Jan raised an imaginary toast. “To Evangeline. May her Keds rest in peace.”
Lily raised her cup, giggling. “To all the queen bees who finally meet their match in the mud.”
And with that, the two friends dissolved once more into fits of laughter, remembering the day when even the snobbiest of campus royalty had to face the undeniable power of nature’s simplest trap.
If you had the chance to warn Evangeline about the mud she was walking towards, would you have?
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Lily leaned back in her chair, a sly smile spreading across her face as she considered the question. “Oh man,” she said with a chuckle. “Would I have warned Evangeline if I’d had the chance? That is a tough one.”
Jan raised an eyebrow, still giggling. “Come on, Lily. Be honest. You would’ve just let her?”
Lily's grin widened. “Look, it’s not like I’m some evil mastermind who wants people to fall into mud. But we’re talking about Evangeline here. The girl would cross the quad saying things like, ‘I can’t believe people wear those in public,’ judging everyone’s shoes like she was CEO of a sneaker company or something.”
Jan snorted, covering her face with her hand. “You’re not wrong.”
Lily shrugged, still smirking. “So, in that split second, if I saw her strutting straight toward that muddy doom in her perfect little sundress, and I had to decide whether to shout, ‘Hey, Evangeline, watch out!’…” She paused for dramatic effect, tapping her chin as if deep in thought.
"Well?" Jan prodded, grinning ear to ear.
Lily sighed, her shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. “I might have just… let nature do its thing.”
Jan dissolved into laughter. “Oh my God, I knew it! You totally would have let her walk straight into it!”
Lily joined in, nearly cackling. “Come on, can you blame me? She was so smug, Jan! You know she would have just rolled her eyes at me like, ‘Mud? In my path? As if.’ And then—you know what’s coming—SLURP, down she’d go.”
Jan shook her head, laughing harder. “You’d just sit there, all innocent, and watch it play out, huh?”
Lily grinned mischievously. “I mean, maybe I’d have tried to warn her… like, ‘Oh no, Evangeline, careful, there might be some mud—’” she slowed her voice dramatically, almost like a mock whisper. Then she burst out laughing again. “But let’s be real, it would be too late by then. Besides, I’d just be there, thinking, ‘This is too good to miss.’”
Jan clapped her hands together, her sides aching as she laughed. “And you know, even if you had tried, she probably wouldn’t have believed you. She’d be like, ‘Mud? Please. I never step in mud.’”
Lily nodded, still giggling. “And that’s the thing! She was so proud of herself for being above all the mess, literally and figuratively. It would’ve been hilarious to watch the exact moment when gravity decided to humble her.”
Jan grinned. “So, you let it happen—just for the lesson?”
Lily raised her coffee cup with a mock solemnity. “It was for the greater good, Jan. A teachable moment, if you will.”
Jan laughed so hard she nearly spilled her drink. “A teachable moment about not thinking you’re above the mud, huh?”
Lily joined in the toast, her cup raised. “Exactly. May we all be smart enough to watch where we step—unless, of course, it’s Evangeline.”
The two clinked their cups together, dissolving into another round of laughter. It wasn’t about being cruel—not really. It was about letting life, in all its messy, muddy unpredictability, play out as it was meant to. Sometimes, the best lessons are learned in the most unexpected (and hilarious) of ways.